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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26605000">i swear i’m not gay (or i don’t think i am)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjuniechu/pseuds/jjuniechu'>jjuniechu</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Cravity (Band), IZONE (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pillow Talk, Sexuality Crisis, cravity being soft boyes, i swear jungmo is not an alcoholic, lapslock, minhee is very confused gay, minhee just very dumb ok, seongmin is cravity’s uncertified (and underpaid) therapist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:15:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,398</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26605000</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjuniechu/pseuds/jjuniechu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>minhee dislikes two things: 1. hyeongjun ignoring him and 2. going through a sexuality crisis because hyeongjun is ignoring him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ahn Seongmin/nah you’ll find out i won’t spoil it, Ahn Yujin/Jang Wonyoung (side), Kang Minhee &amp; Song Hyeongjun, Kang Minhee/Song Hyeongjun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>116</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. minhee kind of fucks up a bit</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>wheeeew i debated a lot on whether i should post this into my hyeongjun-centric series but this is more of a minhee-centric fic than anything and it features my bbygirl yujin sooooooo here’s a two-shot set in their current life bc that’s more fun anyway!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>hyeongjun had been avoiding him recently, minhee notices. </p><p> </p><p>he doesn’t know why, to be honest. one day they were bickering over who left their dirty socks on the couch (minhee), arguing over carbonara (hyeongjun) vs. beef bulgogi for dinner (minhee) and then grudgingly settling for woobin’s special stew, before cuddling up together in a giant blanket on the couch with seongmin rolling his eyes at them from the floor as the group fought over what to watch for the weekly “ movie night” bonding — to hyeongjun acting like minhee didn’t exist while he strutted about his merry way, hanging out and being extra <em> touchy </em>with youngtae or serim or wonjin or basically anyone that <em>wasn’t</em> minhee. </p><p> </p><p>minhee ended up becoming <em> ultra </em> annoying towards hyeongjun because of that. he left his clothes everywhere, he kept poking hyeongjun’s cheeks, went <em> extra </em>heavy on the teasing and playful jibes until he had woobin and serim sending him warning looks because hyeongjun as a person was pretty volatile and could snap at any moment and end up throttling minhee in the dead of the night without anyone noticing.</p><p> </p><p>but nope, none of that worked even the <em> slightest </em> on the now red-haired boy. if minhee tried hugging him or holding him, hyeongjun would immediately squirm away and cling onto another member — more often or not taeyoung and serim — acting as if minhee wasn’t even in the <em> room</em>. said member would briefly look at minhee in confusion whenever hyeongjun did this because hyeongjun <em> never </em> passed up an opportunity to cuddle with minhee.</p><p> </p><p>it didn’t just stop at physical affection either. if minhee asked hyeongjun a question, the younger would answer with a short quip before moving on with the conversation acting like nothing happened. he even turned down minhee’s rare invitations to eat out even when minhee was the one offering and heck, <em> paying</em>. who turns down a free meal, for crying out loud?</p><p>this shit went on for three days, and minhee was just <em> baffled </em> by the sudden change in the dancer’s attitude towards him. </p><p> </p><p>minhee’s not mad. he’s just confused. <strike>and a little hurt</strike>.</p><p> </p><p>but that’s not the point here.</p><p> </p><p>the point here is that hyeongjun is <em> ignoring </em> him, and minhee is dead set on finding out <em> why </em> .<br/><br/></p><hr/><p> </p><p>and that’s how he ends up complaining to seongmin in their kitchen at ass o’ clock in the morning, his undoubtedly favorite dongsaeng shovelling huge scoops of mint chocolate ice cream — to minhee’s disgust — into his mouth as he watches completely deadpan at his <strike> beloved </strike> hyung’s mental breakdown. </p><p> </p><p>“hyung, i think you’re overreacting,” seongmin says bluntly, shoving the metal spoon violently into the tub of ice-cream as if he wants to murder it. minhee’s not going to ask why and just assumes it’s his “time of the month” aka teenage hormones. </p><p> </p><p>(seongmin has been pretty off too as of late but the youngest didn’t seem to be very willing to unpack <em> that </em>box of trauma just yet. minhee <em> will </em>interrogate it out of the maknae eventually, of course.)</p><p> </p><p>“hyeongjunnie hyung is probably just playing around as usual,” seongmin continues, face lighting up in satisfaction as he manages to wrangle a good scoop out of the corner of the tub, “and don’t you two have that push-and-pull dynamic going on that you play up for luvity? you’re like tom and jerry but without the glaring animosity. i’m more surprised hyung hasn’t murdered you sooner considering you piss him off all the damn time.”</p><p> </p><p>minhee squeaks, aghast. “language! and look kid, i didn’t bribe you with ten dollar ice-cream just for you to sass me this way. <em> help </em>your favorite hyung for crying out loud —” </p><p> </p><p>“my favorite hyung is leoni hyung,” seongmin deadpans.</p><p> </p><p>minhee chokes and grabs his own t-shirt in shock, imitating an aneurysm, “this <em> slander </em>ahn seongmin. i raised you, i carried you on my back, and now you betray me for allen —”</p><p> </p><p>seongmin casually shoves a scoop of ice-cream into his hyung’s mouth and waits for a whole second for minhee to process the taste before the elder yeets away in disgust.</p><p>“hyung, it’s 3AM in the morning, people are sleeping,” seongmin admonishes his elder casually before extracting the spoon from minhee’s gaping mouth and digging in for another scoop, covid be damned.</p><p> </p><p>“come on, help me out here,” minhee whines pitifully, “we haven’t had a petty argument in <em> days</em>. i walked around with wet hair for an hour just to get a rise out of him and he just ignored me and did a tiktok with youngtae.” </p><p> </p><p>seongmin’s eyebrows raise up to his forehead. </p><p> </p><p>“oh wow. that bad huh?” </p><p> </p><p>minhee snaps his head at him with desperate eyes as if to convey “right? <em> right</em>?” </p><p> </p><p>“i don’t know what i did,” minhee pouts, “we were completely fine a few days ago. and then i hung out with some friends and went to school and all that stuff and then all of a sudden he’s <em> ignoring </em>me.”</p><p> </p><p>“maybe he’s just jealous of you hanging out with other people,” seongmin points out.</p><p> </p><p>“nah, i hung out with eunsang the other day and he was fine. he got mad because i didn’t ask him to tag along,” minhee waves off the younger, “and he only gave me the cold shoulder for an hour until i bribed him with free dinner.”</p><p> </p><p>seongmin hums, twirling the spoon in his mouth contemplatively. </p><p> </p><p>“maybe you should recount what you did the day after movie night,” seongmin suggests. </p><p> </p><p>“it was nothing much. i dropped hyeongjunnie off at his school before going to mine.” a besotted look briefly crosses the tall boy’s face at the thought of having the privilege of sending the cutest boy in the world off to school and seongmin is about three seconds away from <em> hurling </em>into his beloved ice-cream. “after school ended i went to pick him up so we could go to the company building together for a recording session. when we left he didn’t speak to me the entire ride home.” </p><p> </p><p>seongmin sighs internally at the way minhee slumps sadly over the tabletop. if he squints, he can see dog ears flopping over the elder’s face, imitating a kicked maltese. </p><p> </p><p>“so clearly something must have happened in the time frame after you guys arrived at starship and before you left,” seongmin explains as if this was all common sense. minhee perks his head up at that revelation as if he just discovered the meaning behind the hideout theory and seongmin mentally slaps himself in the face at his hyung’s stupidity. his 185cm hyung really was the epitome of no thoughts, head empty whenever hyeongjun was involved. </p><p> </p><p>“hmm...nothing really special comes to mind,” minhee squeezes his eyes shut, humming, trying to remember what they did at the company building that day. he remembers them bickering over what sauce to put over eggs before hyeongjun suddenly said he needed to go to the toilet and minhee waited for him outside. nothing really significant happened until <em>someone </em>bumped into him —</p><p> </p><p>“oh, i met yujin that day too,” minhee contemplates, “you remember her right? we did an MV together.” </p><p> </p><p>seongmin wheezes into his tub at that admittance.</p><p> </p><p>“okay, and?” seongmin beckons at minhee cautiously, not liking where this is going.</p><p> </p><p>minhee sends him a strange look. “and nothing. we’re friends.” </p><p> </p><p>seongmin wants to sink back into his room and live as a hermit forever because there is <em> no way </em>nothing happened between his minhee hyung and yujin that made hyeongjun act like minhee was an invisible fly that took up free rent in their dorm. </p><p> </p><p>“...this is gonna take awhile.” </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>it was a pretty average day in minhee world. </p><p> </p><p>he went to school and actually stayed for the whole day for once, played around with his friends during lunch before embarking on his journey to pick up the boy he most definitely did not have a massive ugly crush on. </p><p> </p><p>minhee had waited for the totally-not-boy-of-his-dreams to finish his classes by the school gate, casually leaning against the wall and acting suave and cool and mysterious with his 12th or maybe 13th pair of airpods because he<em> is </em>the prince of namkang, mind you. </p><p> </p><p>and if a few girls (and guys) stared at him and giggled and waved because <em> “oh my god it’s the cute namkang boy again” </em>then that was just a bonus perk for coming out all the way to pick up his adorable hyeongjunnie from school. it was nice to be appreciated by the peasant masses. </p><p> </p><p>and minhee would always smile adorably whenever hyeongjun popped his head out of the entrance, his tomato red hair a startling contrast amongst the browns and dark hairs of the other hanlim students, darting his head around to look around for his same-aged bandmate. minhee recalled being lectured six days to sunday by his smaller bandmate because <em> mini-yah, you don’t need to pick me up EVERY day </em> and <em> miniyah why are you like this stop puffing your chest out yes we get it you’re handsome </em>amongst other things but minhee couldn’t help it! it filled him with so much elation just to see hyeongjun at all, running down the steps of his school and grinning exasperatedly at the sight of minhee waiting for him to go home together. </p><p> </p><p>he would often be accompanied by a clingy dongpyo and seonho or a flustered junho, and occasionally dohyon, whose face would light up in joy whenever he was around hyeongjun, and even more when he saw minhee waiting for them. minhee would try to suppress the prickle of pain in his heart over the fact that he didn’t end up going to the same school as them because he truly, honestly did miss them. </p><p> </p><p>(<em>sometimes minhee regrets not going to hanlim. just to see all of them together again. like old times.</em>)</p><p> </p><p>but no matter!</p><p> </p><p>on that day, hyeongjun was completely alone. he recalled hyeongjun running into him and jokingly punching him in the shoulder for standing out so much, before they departed to the starship building, bickering along the way.</p><p> </p><p>minhee was pretty sure they bickered at least sixteen times when they reached the familiar company building and did their temperature checks, and hyeongjun told him to wait for him as he went to freshen up in the company bathroom. so minhee, being the devoted dumbass that he was, patiently waited for the younger boy outside the bathroom, bowing and greeting any staff that walked by him.</p><p> </p><p>it just so happened that a certain familiar girl nearly crash landed into him as she was jogging down the hallway to the administrative office. familiar medium-length brown hair, cheeky looking eyes and even cheekier smile, minhee was absolutely <em> not </em>expecting I*ZONE’s ahn yujin to be in the same building that day. </p><p> </p><p>“oppa! is that you?” </p><p> </p><p>minhee subconsciously grinned at the younger girl as he raised his hand to receive her high five, her laugh piercing throughout the empty hallway.</p><p> </p><p>“yujin-sunbaenim, what are you doing here?” minhee asked, smiling widely now. it had been quite some time since they exchanged interactions, but they still kept in touch even after everything, “aren’t you promoting soon? don’t tell me you’re slacking off. ” </p><p> </p><p>yujin scoffed and waved him off, “i’m just here for admin stuff. and don’t call me that in private, ew. it’s hella weird coming from you of all people...no offence, oppa.”</p><p> </p><p>the younger girl grinned at him with the full force of the sun, and as helplessly gay minhee was, he could understand — and even appreciate — why so many people adored her. minhee peeked over her shoulder in interest. </p><p> </p><p>“wonyoung not with you? i thought you two are always joined at the hip. rare to see you guys not together.”  </p><p> </p><p>yujin’s face turned a little bit pink at that and she playfully punched him in the arm. ouch.</p><p> </p><p>“shut up! w-we’re not together. and be careful, there’s people around!” </p><p> </p><p>“sorry, sorry,” minhee laughed at the pretty vocalist’s oddly refreshing reaction, considering how childlike and teasing she was off-camera.</p><p> </p><p>the younger starship girl glared at him, squinting. her gaze then swerved to the men’s bathroom behind him and the edge of her mouth twisted to a smile. </p><p> </p><p>“you’re waiting for someone. is it hyeongjun oppa?” </p><p> </p><p>minhee shrugged. “he’s just taking a shit.”</p><p> </p><p>yujin furrowed her nose at him.</p><p> </p><p>“don’t be crass, it’s bad for your image.” </p><p> </p><p>minhee smirked at her, folding his arms, imitating looking around for hidden dispatch people who could unceremoniously pop out at any given moment considering their wonderful lack of consideration of privacy for people like minhee and yujin. </p><p> </p><p>“i don’t see annoying people around,” minhee said innocently. the younger girl rolled her eyes at him and huffed. </p><p> </p><p>“i see oppa is still in denial about his crush,” yujin said teasingly. </p><p> </p><p>minhee tilted his head to the side cutely. was she making a joke or something? </p><p> </p><p>“....i don’t have a crush…” minhee trailed off warily, suddenly feeling very intimidated by the girl’s mischievous look being sent his way. whenever yujin had that look in her eye, he always felt the need to make a run for it because that look never meant anything good. or morally ethical. </p><p> </p><p>“hehe~ oppa, i’m not blind or stupid you know,” yujin poked the older boy’s chest with some force, giggling, “i see the stuff about you two cropping up on twitter and naver here and there. you look so happy when you’re with him! and you bother him all the time too. that means you really, <em> really </em>like him.”</p><p> </p><p>minhee stared at her in disbelief. </p><p> </p><p>“yujin-ah, with your line of reasoning, you must be deeply in love with me,” minhee answered completely deadpan, relishing the look of disgust that flashed across the younger girl’s face at the mere <em> thought </em>of dating minhee. </p><p> </p><p>“eww! gross. sorry oppa. you’re sort of handsome, but i don’t swing that way,” yujin imitated herself throwing up, much to minhee’s amusement.</p><p> </p><p>“yeah i’m aware you’re into the tall, sweet, and doe-eyed,” minhee teased her back, “you’re also into girls who like doing a lot of aegyo and resemble cute bunnies —”</p><p> </p><p>“SHUSH! as if you’re not the same!” yujin gasped, affronted, and reached up to cover minhee’s mouth with her hands so he couldn’t continue running his mouth, “you’re into soft small and pretty boys who like doing aegyo and babies you to death!” </p><p> </p><p>“hyeongjun doesn’t baby me anymore though,” minhee cut in, before realizing he had put himself in a very precarious position by admitting his not-a-crush crush on hyeongjun and yujin’s smile turned downright <em>devious</em>. </p><p> </p><p>“ha! so you <em> do </em> have a crush on hyeongjun oppa!” yujin whispered excitedly, punching the air, “eunbi unnie and chaeyeon unnie owe me ten thousand won!”</p><p> </p><p>minhee stared at her, boggled, “you <em> bet </em>on us?” </p><p> </p><p>yujin shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“had to get the ball rolling somehow. we had a secret betting ring going on on who in our respective companies were secretly in love with each other. you two were voted in favor 9 to 2 —”</p><p> </p><p>“wait no, that’s ridiculous —”</p><p> </p><p>“right? i told eunbi and chaeyeon unnie that too but they wouldn’t believe me. like the way you two look at each other? the bickering and the adorably natural fanservice and secret smiles you send him? there’s so much tension between you two you must be blind or straight not to see it —”</p><p> </p><p>“no. <em> no</em>. not that,” minhee started to get a little concerned now. did they really come off that way to other people? did people genuinely think that he and hyeongjun were secretly a thing? he never really entertained the thought of hyeongjun ever liking him, or him liking hyeongjun in <em> that </em> fashion. they were close, and minhee would honestly die for hyeongjun. but love? <em> love</em>? </p><p> </p><p>“i-i’m not in love with h-hyeongjunnie. he’s cute, i admit that. but really annoying. and he’s probably straight, y’know? he’s just a younger brother to me. that’s <em> all</em>. just a brother. so...no. i’m not in love with him. and i never will.” </p><p> </p><p>the pin drop silence that fell between them was almost deafening after minhee’s statement, and the expression on yujin’s face suddenly turned worried. little did minhee know that the concern wasn’t targeted at him, but at the person <em> behind </em>him. </p><p> </p><p>“minhee-ah, i’m done, let's go. we’re running late,” hyeongjun called out for the tall vocalist, casually patting down his wet hands on his pants. the red-haired dancer turned stiffly towards the younger girl, face impassive and nodding in acknowledgment, “afternoon, yujin-ssi. sorry for interrupting the conversation, but we’re a little late for recording.” </p><p> </p><p>yujin squeaked and bowed briefly in respect, the panicked look still written obviously all over her face.</p><p> </p><p>“s-sorry for holding you guys up! i-i’ll be on my way too,” yujin stuttered, giving minhee a nervous smile and wave as she quickly scampered past them, minhee smiling dumbly and waving back in return. </p><p> </p><p>and if he missed the apologetic look yujin sent hyeongjun’s way — well, that was on <em> him</em>. </p><p> </p><p>“so,” minhee grinned cheerfully, completely obtuse to the huge misunderstanding that he had unwillingly caused, “shall we go then?”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“—and that’s about it, i think. oh, and did i tell you he didn’t even write a cute message for me when it was my turn to record? i was <em> devastated</em>…”</p><p> </p><p>seongmin just stares at his dumbass hyung, slack-jawed, spoon halfway falling out of his mouth as he listens to minhee rattle on and on about how hyeongjun completely blew him off at every opportunity, and seongmin wants to <em> die</em>. he cannot possibly <em>believe</em> his brainiac hyung who constantly got high scores at school and was lowkey the scariest detective in among us could be this <em> oblivious</em>. </p><p> </p><p>“mini hyung. just. <em> stop</em>. oh my god, you cannot possibly be this <em> stupid</em>,” seongmin holds a hand up to stop minhee’s tirade, exasperated, “hyung, hyeongjunnie hyung start blowing you off even before the recording session right?”</p><p> </p><p>minhee scrunches his eyebrows, “well technically yes —”</p><p> </p><p>“which means that the reason why he’s ignoring you is because of what happened while you were talking to yujin-ssi, <em> correct</em>?” </p><p> </p><p>“i-i guess so….but what does that have to do with anything? all i did was clear up a misunderstanding —”</p><p> </p><p>seongmin wants to <em> scream</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“hyung...i love you and you’re weirdly mature most of the time — kinda — but don’t you think the reason why hyung is so pissed off at you is <em> because </em>you tried to clear up the misunderstanding?” </p><p> </p><p>seongmin can slowly see minhee’s brain short circuit at that theory, the elder hyung’s eyes going wide at the idea that he clearly did not even <em> contemplate</em> entertaining —</p><p> </p><p>“wait...does that mean….hyeongjunine…started ignoring me...because of what i said? he got angry because i said i would never lo —”</p><p> </p><p>minhee’s ears explode into a glorious shade of red and he cups his face into his hands and <em> squeaks </em>in embarrassment.</p><p> </p><p>a moment of silence befalls them. </p><p> </p><p>“...<em> shit</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>seongmin nods sagely. </p><p> </p><p>“shit indeed.” </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. pillow talk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>minhee has a lot to think about.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>trigger warning for mentions of anxiety attacks/panic attacks!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>after their very helpful and distressing therapy session, minhee shakily wobbles back to bed, head completely not empty and full of non-heterosexual thoughts about his small, snappy bandmate.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>the idea that hyeongjun was so <em>upset </em>by the fact that minhee would never love him that he started ignoring his very existence completely baffled the tallest. one, because he couldn’t tell if hyeongjun was simply insulted that minhee didn’t find him attractive (a plausible thought) and two, minhee simply couldn’t <em>grasp </em>the concept of hyeongjun actually...having feelings for him that weren’t platonic, thus resulting in hyeongjun being deeply hurt by the admission that minhee would never look at him more than just a friend.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>ever since predebut, minhee had always assumed that their relationship was purely brotherly, of the soulmate caliber, even. it was no lie that out of everyone in cravity, and even in x1, the bond he had with wonjin, woobin and hyeongjun was the strongest.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>except, how he felt about wonjin and woobin and how he felt towards hyeongjun were two <em>completely</em> different situations.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>wonjin was like a childhood friend to him. they’d spent an abnormal amount of time together predebut, had one too many emotional support pep talks from time to time, and minhee — in his darkest, homesick moments — would always be able to find a second home with wonjin (and his family) when he needed it. overall, he was very grateful to the affectionate older boy, even if he did occasionally steal his leftovers every now and then.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>woobin was more of a dad to him than an actual friend. heck, woobin could say that he birthed minhee and minhee wouldn’t even hesitate to back up that claim. he loved his parents, of course, but woobin literally <em>raised </em>him during their trainee days. from making his school lunches, to being minhee’s emergency contact, to being there to pull minhee in his arms when he was having one of his stress-induced panic attacks. minhee <em>did </em>occasionally feel guilty for blowing the elder off from time to time to hang out with hyeongjun back then, but he knew his older bandmate didn’t take it to heart.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>speaking of hyeongjun.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>how could minhee even begin describing his relationship with hyeongjun?<br/><br/><br/></p><p>it was so tricky. so, so tricky.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>hyeongjun and minhee were...definitely a pair. some of minhee’s fondest memories of hyeongjun was simply when hyeongjun was just…existing. the younger boy’s double edged personality alternated between an explosive, neverending firework to a quiet, untouched river, transparent and tranquil, but you could never tell when a tsunami would arrive. it was never boring being around him.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee had always watched him in awe, whether it was up close or in the sidelines, just enjoying his same age friend’s presence, his heart never failing to pick up by two counts whenever hyeongjun sent him his trademark, pixie like grin. and there was always this sense of <em>normalcy </em>in their teasing banter and vapid arguments.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee treasured every moment of it. the hysterical raise in hyeongjun’s voice whenever minhee did something remarkably stupid in front of him. his fond, exasperated sighs whenever he found minhee waiting for him to finish his schedule simply so minhee could “escort” him home safely.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>and there must have been something very wrong with minhee to find even the smallest of joys in hearing hyeongjun shout “YA KANG MINHEE!” from beyond three walls when he finds out that minhee tracked wet footprints around the house after his shower….again.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee liked hyeongjun. he liked his smiles, his pouts, his shaking fist in the air as he chased minhee around the practice room because minhee stole his hair curlers before giving up and running to woobin and serim to tattle on him. he liked the way their fingers interlaced together when they were cuddling in hyeongjun and serim’s shared bed (the leader always ended up sulking because minhee absolutely refused to share his designated cuddle buddy) and the faint, interlying scent of shampoo in the smaller boy’s hair whenever minhee tugged him into his lap during a particularly tiring practice just so he could hear hyeongjun complain about how gross and sweaty they both were even when he was still burrowing himself into minhee’s hoodie regardless of the stench.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee couldn’t help it. he liked every little part about hyeongjun, even his annoying, screeching voice and tsundere qualities. he liked hyeongjun’s big, round eyes that sparkled at the sight of food. his cheeks, even if they were no longer as chubby and babylike as before. his lips, because they were pink and pouty and kissable —<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee internally screeched and promptly slapped himself in the forehead (not his face, it’s his moneymaker).<br/><br/><br/></p><p>no, no, <em>no</em>!<br/><br/><br/></p><p>he will not — he <em>could not </em>— fall in love with his own bandmate!<br/><br/><br/></p><p>(even if said bandmate looked absolutely <em>squishable </em>in the mornings.)<br/><br/><br/></p><p>but back! to! the! point!<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee would rather tell jungmo that he was cool than fall in love with his best friend and possibly ruin everything they built up together….<em>even</em> if their current relationship was already lowkey in shambles because hyeongjun was completely ignoring his glorious 185cm existence!<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee would just have to wait for the younger boy to come around and for him to stop being delusional about hyeongjun having even an <em>inkling </em>of semi romantic attachment towards his same aged friend. because it was impossible. zilch. nada. <em>poof</em>.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>(his heart aches slightly at the thought of it, before the thought gets unceremoniously squashed into the deserted, cobwebbed part of his subconscious and thrown into his little trauma box, locked and key thrown far far away into the abyss of his wretched soul.)<br/><br/><br/></p><p>this was fine. everything was going to be okay.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee just needed to wait.<br/><br/><br/><br/></p><hr/><p> </p><p>that was, in fact. supposed to be the plan. except it stopped being a plan after minhee was forced to endure hyeongjun sitting on taeyoung’s lap while the two giggled through five dumb prank tiktoks, a questionable txt tiktok, and six different versions of the WAP dance for <em>ten minutes</em>.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>(yes, he counted. now shut up.)<br/><br/><br/></p><p>his anxiety and impatience of wanting to argue with hyeongjun so desperately radiates off him in such aggressive waves that <em>wonjin </em>of all people promptly plops down beside him and shoves a bottle of water at his face.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“ya kang minhee, drink this and stop looking at youngtae like you want to bury his body in a ditch to the tune of bohemian rhapsody. you’re going to give serim hyung an aneurysm at this rate,” wonjin huffs.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee raises an eyebrow, “that’s oddly specific.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>wonjin rolls his eyes.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“just take this and stop looking at them like you’re the heartbroken guest at your best friend’s wedding because the one you like is getting married to someone else. there’s cameras watching.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>ah, that’s right.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>they were currently in the middle of their mv shoot for their comeback, flame. cameras were everywhere, staff were flitting about here and there fixing makeup, arranging props, and making sure not a strand of hair was out of place. they were all on break at the moment, the director calling for time after the nine of them unceremoniously broke the stage platform during the group dance.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>(minhee had never seen the director simultaneously cry and laugh so hard in his life.)<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“so...what’s up with you and hyeongjunnie?” wonjin demands with the subtlety of a seal hitting a glass window.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee rolls his eyes at his hyung’s straightforwardness. how very wonjin of him to cut to the chase so efficiently.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“nothing. we had a fight. i think.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>wonjin takes a giant sip of his bottled water, raising a “cut-the-bullshit” eyebrow at his younger friend.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“you <em>think?</em>”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee pouts defensively.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“...we had a small misunderstanding.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“oh yeah trust me, we all know. even our <em>staff </em>noticed. i overhead the stylists noonas making bets in the break room over who’s going to apologize first. you’re winning 15-0, by the way.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“what is up with everyone making bets on us? and why am <em>i </em>apologizing first?”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>wonjin shrugs, “they can’t talk about what goes on on set, so they end up resorting to illegal betting pools to pass the time. are you really that surprised?”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>after hearing how yujin and her group were betting on them being together, minhee doesn’t even bother dignifying that with a response.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“look, it’s nothing to worry about. everything’s going to be fine. hyeongjun will come around eventually.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“minhee-yah,” wonjin smiles at the younger boy, his smile wide enough to form crescents around his eyes, “it’s been <em>two fucking weeks</em>.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee’s eyes widen in alarm.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“language! there’s cameras around!” the younger of the two hisses, eyes darting about the crowded set, checking for any cameras that were pointed in their direction.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>wonjin sends him an eyeroll of his own and wraps an easy arm around the taller male, both of them collectively agreeing to ignore how wonjin had to awkwardly raise his entire body up to reach minhee’s broad ass shoulders.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“oh mini mini mini mini,” wonjin singsongs condescendingly, “the only time you two fought for longer than a day was when ruby hyung had to mediate because you two were acting like stubborn goats. and even <em>that </em>didn’t go past the one week mark. so what happened? tell me or i’ll rat you out to serim hyung that you made hyeongjun watch the pennywise movie with you and he will <em>never </em>let you hear the end of it.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee gapes at his hyung, offended.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“what makes you think <em>i’m </em>the one at fault this time?”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>wonjin heaves a great, dramatic sigh. “oh minhee, you can be such a dumbass for someone who goes to a fancy science school.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee opens his mouth to retort, hackles raised, but backs down after realizing seongmin had said the exact same thing that night.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>wonjin’s smile widens.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“good boy! now listen to what your genius hyung has observed.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee wants to point out that wonjin literally had a whole mental breakdown at 2am on the day of his csats because he couldn’t remember how to calculate vectors even though the textbook was <em>literally </em>flipped to said page but he thinks that if he even considered bringing it up wonjin would actually murder him with a metal straw this time.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“look at it from my perspective. your precious best friend is sitting on the lap of his new favorite cuddle buddy, and you’re down here glaring at them with enough animosity to fuel an enemies to lovers au for thirty chapters,” wonjin reaches up to pat the younger’s slicked hair condescendingly, much to minhee’s annoyance.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“that tells me many things: one, your little lovers’ spat is so ridiculously one-sided it’s not even funny, and seeing as how <em>you’re </em>the only one obviously affected by it, and jjunie is acting completely indifferent, it means that whatever shit that went down, was 99% your doing.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee blinks at him owlishly.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“fine, let me break it down to you my adorable little dongsaeng —”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“i’m like a whole head taller than you —”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“shut up or i’ll break your toothpick legs,” wonjin laughs light-heartedly, and the other vocalist scoffs beside him. in less than a second however, wonjin’s casual expression turns severe, and minhee would be impressed by how versatile his hyung’s range of facial expressions were if that expression wasn’t directed at him specifically.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“jokes aside, our comeback date is getting closer, and we’re all worried for you two. i know you guys are capable of acting normal around each other in front of the cameras, but that doesn’t mean we want it to stay that way. you may not be aware, but the vibe in the dorm is pretty tense at the moment. we don’t know if you two are going to make up in time for promotions or if you’re going to snap and end up strangling each other out of pent up aggression instead. serim hyung is going out of his mind trying to think of how to get you two back on talking terms.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee instinctively swallows down the impending rush of guilt crawling up his throat. he wasn’t aware that their misunderstanding affected the members to <em>that </em>extent. and to think he’d even worried their <em>leader</em> about it, who already had so much on his plate just from being the eldest hyung alone, and now had minhee’s stupid teenage problems on top of it.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>wonjin’s eyes soften at the sight of the now guilty looking teenager and squeezes minhee’s shoulder reassuringly, bringing the taller of the two closer to him. minhee’s head limply falls onto his oldest friend’s shoulder, biting his lip at the reassuring warmth.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“hey, i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to word it so harshly. i’m not telling you this to guilt trip you into making up. you two are like our annoying shit eating baby brothers and we just want to know what’s going on so we can help you guys fix whatever this mess is about. we don’t like seeing you two fight this silent war on your own.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>wonjin’s hand easily moves to ruffle minhee’s locks, nails gently scratching the puppy-like teen’s scalp. minhee can’t help but instantly snuggle his face into his hyung’s neck, finding comfort in the older boy’s soapy scent and steady words.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“it’s...not easy for me to talk about it, hyung.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>wonjin hums, threading his fingers through minhee’s dark locks, and minhee knows he’s going to get a scolding of a <em>lifetime</em> from the stylist noonas.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“that’s fine. can you at least promise me to at least talk to one of us about it?”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee opens his mouth to speak, wanting so <em>desperately </em>to tell his hyung what he was going through, but finds no words coming out.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>it wasn’t as if heart-to-heart talks were particularly rare between members. serim always made an effort to check up on everyone at least once a day — in that annoyingly parent-like, fretting way of his. and woobin was more than often the instigator of said emotional talks. they were all way beyond the point of tolerating toxic masculinity that even entertaining the idea of bottling up emotions for the sake of saving face was out of the question. that was for the cameras, not for the safety of their own home.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>he feels a little guilty for doing the exact opposite — bottling up his emotions and not confiding someone about them — but this isn’t something he could just…vent out so publicly.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“...not now,” minhee mumbles, mentally kicking himself for the way his voice is quivering. like <em>hell </em>was he going to get emotional during a damn <em>mv shooting</em>. “i’ll...i’ll tell someone about it, okay? not now. but soon. i promise.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee feels wonjin smile against his hair and is rewarded with a light pat on the head, before pulling him away.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“good. my job here is done. wanna go play a missing phone prank on jungmo hyung?”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee snorts, tension immediately disappearing from his shoulders.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“you get the phone, and i’ll distract him by pretending i want a hug.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“you’re on.”<br/><br/><br/><br/></p><hr/><p> </p><p>minhee manages to put his mini (ha) crisis into the back of his mind. most of his time occupied by helping wonjin pull a prank on their favorite <strike>victim</strike> hyung (jungmo got back at wonjin later by pushing him into the backseat of the van and tickling him until he almost decked woobin in the face while attempting to escape), and shooting the mv (thankfully without any more...stage malfunctions).<br/><br/><br/></p><p>there were, of course, small inconveniences, like filming the behind the scenes, and minhee hopes the fans won’t notice how little moments there were of him and hyeongjun. it was almost a fortunate misfortune that hyeongjun was a social magnet who flitted to every member constantly and his lack of presence next to minhee could chalk it up to him just being close with the other members.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>(it pained minhee to admit that maybe, just maybe, minhee really wasn’t <em>that </em>special in hyeongjun’s eyes, but pushes that little insecurity into the back of his little trauma box.)<br/><br/><br/></p><p>dinner was a fairly peaceful affair. luckily — thanks to serim’s foresight — hyeongjun and minhee were placed on completely polar ends of their <br/>restaurant table, and minhee sends their leader a grateful look at his consideration, the latter returning it with a cheesy wink and a thumbs up (ugh).<br/><br/><br/></p><p>the last time minhee sat next to hyeongjun, hyeongjun had very bluntly requested woobin — who sat on minhee’s other side — to pass the kimchi sitting <em>right in front of </em>minhee, the elder awkwardly complying while shooting minhee confused looks and minhee’s ears <em>burning </em>at the admission of being ignored so obviously.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>thankfully, thanks to serim’s tact, any awkward dinner situations were avoided, and the members all lumbered back into their van with their slightly inebriated manager in tow. full stomachs, cheeks flushed rosy red from the cold and raucous laughter all around especially when jungmo playfully tackled wonjin into the backseat to pay him back for the prank.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>(minhee smiles genuinely at the sight for the first time in days, wanting to engrave the scene in his head forever. of all of them laughing carelessly like this — as if they were just a bunch of dumb, stupid teenagers with their exhausted chaperone instead of overworked, tired rookie idols — before falling captive to the temptations of food coma.)<br/><br/><br/></p><p>they arrive home safely, serim reminding everyone of their assigned schedules, and they shower and dress for bed — excluding taeyoung, hyeongjun and wonjin, who were in the living room playing a rather violent round of mario kart, serim taking a small, insignificant number of six hundred selcas for fancafe in his room, allen playing minecraft, their manager retiring to his room no doubt already regretting letting jungmo egg him into a drinking contest, and jungmo...still doing whatever jungmo does in the bathroom.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>so...basically just minhee, woobin and seongmin then.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>by the time minhee finishes his shower, the lights are already off in their room and minhee immediately spots seongmin cuddled up into a little burrito ball on woobin’s bed, the two agreeing to exchange beds after the youngest expressed how wary he was of heights. meanwhile, said former owner of the bed, woobin, was on the floor watching cooking tiktoks, briefly giving minhee a quick smile and nod when he walks in before returning to his leisure scrolling the light illuminating the tired bags under his eyes.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>it was nice. there were perks to rooming with the dubbed “quiet ones” of the group, which included guaranteed peace and quiet after long, tiring schedules. especially since his two roommates tended to knock off pretty early into the night.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>drowsiness kicks into minhee’s tired, aching bones, and the vocalist ungracefully flops onto his bed, eliciting a snort from his hyung and a “good night mini” as minhee allows himself to succumb to the familiar lull of his mattress.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>or at least….that was what minhee <em>wanted </em>to happen.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>in fact, what happens is that instead of sweet, forgettable dreams of nothing, those hallowing, dark thoughts from the past few weeks start crawling their way into his mind again, the lock on his little trauma box shattering into pieces as all of his insecurities start resurfacing, and the only thing he can think about is:<br/><br/><br/></p><p>
  <em>how long will hyeongjun pretend i don’t exist?<br/><br/><br/></em>
</p><p>minhee lets out a quiet sob, chest aching at the thought. he <em>misses </em>him. he misses <em>hyeongjun. </em>so, so much.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>he misses holding hyeongjun’s hand. he misses hugging him. he misses their playfighting. he misses hyeongjun crawling into bed next to him during one of his midnight “walks” and whispering minhee’s name in his sleep. he misses talking to him. he misses hyeongjun’s little kitty punches whenever minhee annoys him. he misses <em>all </em>of it.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>sure, they were in the same group. they lived in the same dorm. breathed the same air. most people would <em>kill </em>to be in minhee’s situation — to have the privilege of living so closely and so intimately with the one you so-called <em>like</em>. but what was the point of having all that when hyeongjun had put up this invisible door between them and refused to give minhee the key to let him in?<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee doesn’t even care about his own emotional turmoil anymore. he doesn’t even care if hyeongjun actually likes him the way minhee <em>wants </em>him to like him. he can’t bring himself to care anymore.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>he just wants his best friend back.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee doesn’t even realize he’s sobbing into his sheets until he hears someone go “<em>oh shit</em>” and minhee is suddenly pulled into a tight, fierce hug, crying face squashed into said hugger’s firm, broad shoulders.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“shhhh its okay minhee, it’s okay,” woobin whispers reassuringly, hugging minhee so tightly the younger can barely breathe, one hand rubbing the taller boy’s back, “breathe, minhee, breathe. it’s okay, hyung is here. hyungie will protect you.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee feels all the pent up emotions bottling up inside him melt away at the steadiness of woobin’s tone, and he hiccups loudly, pressing his face into the crook of woobin’s neck.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“i-it’s not a nightmare, hyung. i’m okay. s-seriously.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“i don’t care, and no you’re not,” woobin gently admonishes, leading the younger of the two onto the floor so the elder could comfortably coddle him, letting the younger sniffle into woobin’s shoulder with their hands clasped tightly together, woobin tracing comforting circles onto minhee’s hand.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“s-sorry hyung, i d-didn’t m-mean to disturb you,” minhee sniffles.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>woobin tsks and tightens his grip on minhee’s hand, leaning over to boop the younger boy’s nose.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“don’t be silly, i will always have time for you, kid.” woobin smiles fondly when minhee hiccup-giggles and lets woobin boop his nose again.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“still...you’re p-probably really t-tired...” minhee mutters after several quiet minutes of him silently crying his eyes out, moving to angrily rub the tears out of his face, only to be stopped when woobin sighs and pats down the younger’s face with a tissue.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“i am, but something tells me that you’re being bothered by something deeply personal and i will never be able to sleep at night until you tell me.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee sighs. he can never keep anything sensitive away from woobin for long. his hyung’s radar for finding problems was almost as good as his cooking.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“fine, but if you tell anyone, i’ll kill you.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>woobin rolls his eyes.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“no you won’t, you’ll die without me. literally. who’s going to cook for you? serim hyung?”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>the two vocalists shudder at that silent threat. they remembered the last time serim tried cooking anything that required more steps than just shoving something into the microwave or boiling water and honestly that hyung in particular was better off writing lyrics than touching anything resembling anything remotely to a kitchen utensil.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“i’m serious, you can’t tell <em>anyone</em>.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“minhee, my sweet summer child, when have i <em>ever</em> broken your trust?”<br/><br/><br/></p><p><em>when you admitted while drunk that your one pick wasn’t me during produce</em>, minhee sniggers, but decides not to bring that up.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>woobin had insisted for <em>days </em>after that minhee was 1000% his absolute one pick and no one else and would not shut up about ituntil minhee finally accepted his “apology”.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>after receiving no response aside from a few weak sniffles, woobin grins proudly and reaches up to playfully ruffle the younger’s hair, not even batting an eye when minhee whines and ducks away from him.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“there you go. come on, talk to me. my lips are sealed. lippers zipped. thou shalt not spill secrets for thy mouth.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee deadpans, “i’m regretting this already.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>woobin pouts at him, something that on a good day and with sufficient amount of light, is admittedly very hard to say no to, and minhee sighs.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>with enough pouting and puppy dog eyes, minhee eventually relents and spills everything. from the encounter with yujin at starship, to his 3am talk with seongmin and his ice-cream, to his turmoil and struggles about his sexuality crisis, to his thoughts and confusing feelings about hyeongjun. everything. he spilled every little tiny detail to his ever reliable, patient hyung, who listened to minhee’s side of the story with the accompaniment of calming neck massages and “hmm”ing.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>by the time minhee is done, he feels all the tension and worry building and suffocating his chest leave him like it was never even there in the first place. he feels light. and a little giddy at the thought of being able to tell woobin everything he’d been thinking of.<br/><br/><br/></p><p><em>it feels nice to let it out</em>, minhee thinks, <em>shouldn’t have been so stubborn and let it out sooner</em>.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>still, it’s nerve-wracking. he knows woobin will never judge him for possibly liking men. he knows his hyung still love him regardless of his preferences. but still. it’s <em>woobin</em>. someone whose opinions minhee actually gives a shit about.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>a chill runs down minhee’s spine. oh god, he’s getting cold feet about this.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee can barely breathe, head spinning at all the <em>what if’s. </em>of woobin possibly being disgusted by him, telling the others about his “dirty little secret”, the others telling management, him getting kicked out of the group, him being seperated from his family <em>again</em>, as if the first time wasn’t fucking painful enough.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>
  <em>no, no, no, he didn’t want this, he didn’t want to start all over again, no, no no —<br/><br/></em>
</p><p>“miniyah?” woobin prods.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“yeah?” minhee snaps out of his negative reverie, tense under his hyung’s hold. he searches his hyung’s eyes for any form of disappointment, disgust, anger...<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“i’m going to ask you some questions, and you’re going to say the first thing that comes to mind.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee tilts his head at his hyung curiously, all negative thoughs flying out of his head. he’s about to ask why before woobin puts his hand up to stop him.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“don’t ask and trust me on this one, okay? it’ll will help you get a good feel of your preferences.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee is about to protest about how embarrassing that sounds, until he meets his hyung’s eyes, and even in the darkness, he knows woobin isn’t playing around. he’s sincere about helping him.<br/><br/></p><p><br/>minhee gulps, and swallows down his protests.<br/><br/><br/></p><p><em>okay hyung, i’ll trust you</em>, goes unsaid between them, and woobin visibly relaxes.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“great. okay. let’s get started. now, would you prefer getting a kiss from a girl or from a boy?”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee scrunches up his nose. “can i choose neither? that sounds gross.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“even if they’re cute?”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“they could look like jisoo sunbaenim or cha eunwoo sunbaenim and i would still puke my guts out.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>woobin deadpans.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“you’re so dramatic.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee grins back.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“you love me anyway.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“unfortunately. now describe three traits of your ideal woman.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee shrugs, not really knowing the answer to that. he’d probably have to answer that kind of question in the unforeseeable future, but he’d never really thought about it until now.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“nice, i guess?”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>woobin nods. “the bare minimum, alright.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>something tells minhee he should feel at least slightly offended by that tone of voice, but ignores it for now.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“okay. three traits for your ideal man, go.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“must be shorter than me, cute, can argue with me about petty things and laugh about it afterwards,” minhee rattles off without hesitation.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>woobin raises an eyebrow at that, “you’ve clearly given this some thought.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee shrugs.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“moving on. what’s the first word you associate with when you think of hyeongjun?”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“home.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>the answer surprises even minhee himself, and his head snaps to woobin in shock. the older boy, already expecting this, gives the younger an easy smile.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“and what is the one, recurring emotion you feel every time you think about hyeongjun?”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>before minhee can even process the question, the two hear a shuffling from the bed next to them that puts a halt into their conversation. an uneasy, pin drop silence befalls their room as they hear the lump they call their maknae on the other bed shuffle awkwardly in his sheets.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“...seongminnie, you can come out. we know you’re awake.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee hears the slight hitch of breathing in the supposedly sleeping lump beside them, the silence thick enough to penetrate titanium as the two of them stare accusingly at the supposedly sleeping boy in woobin’s bed. a moment passes, and their maknae shuffles around in his sheets before peeking up from his covers. even in the darkness, minhee can see how puffy and swollen the younger boy’s eyes are, tear streaks prominent on his cheeks, and his chest feels a painful ache seeing such an expression on their youngest brother’s face.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“oh baby,” woobin sighs wistfully, “come here.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>with some gentle cajoling, their sweet, introverted maknae hesitantly wraps himself in his blanket and rolls out of bed with an inelegant <em>thump</em>. the youngest slowly shuffles over to woobin, still swamped head to toe in his massive blanket and falls naturally into the elder’s side. minhee’s stone cold heart <em>melts </em>at the sight of woobin wrapping an arm around their youngest to bring him to his lap and the smaller boy lets woobin rest his chin on top of his tousled hair without an utterance of complaint.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>cue the fluttering hearts and flowers scene that happens in every anime when the token cold moe character of the show does anything remotely cute.<br/><br/><br/></p><p><em>our maknae is the cutest in the world! </em>minhee mentally cries, imaginary tears running down his cheeks.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“did we wake you up, ddeongminnie?” woobin asks softly, and minhee crawls towards him eagerly, not missing out on a chance to baby their normally put together, mature maknae, and practically plasters himself onto seongmin — much to the youngest’ chagrin.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“n-no…” seongmin replied, voice small, and minhee has to hold himself back from teasing the living shit out of the boy because <em>this was not the time</em>, “i was awake the whole time...sorry hyungs…i overheard the entire conversation…”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“its okay minnie,” minhee hushes the youngest reassuringly, reaching over to pat his dongsaeng’s puffy, warm cheek, “what’s keeping you up?”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>seongmin sniffs.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“just...thoughts.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“about?”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“just...what would hyungs do if you had a crush on someone?”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>woobin and minhee turn to each other with varying degrees of confusion, before looking back down to the boy in woobin’s lap.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“i’d tell them,” woobin says firmly, just as minhee answers with, “i’ll keep it a secret and bottle it up until i explode.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>the maknae peeps his head out from his blankets and stares at minhee dead in the eye, completely unimpressed.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“hyung, please don’t give relationship advice ever again.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee pouts and woobin barks out a laugh.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“you’re super not cute,” minhee whines, suddenly muzzling the younger in an onslaught of kisses which seongmin absolutely <em>hates</em>. woobin chuckles but refuses to let the maknae get up, leaving him to suffer under minhee’s aggressive pecks all over his puffy face, whining.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“okay minhee, that’s enough,” woobin says firmly, trying to hold back his amusement as he gently pushes the maltese-like boy off seongmin, much to the latter’s relief. minhee pouts harder but gives in, contenting himself to just leaning his body on woobin.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“anyways, what’s this about seongminnie having a crush, hmm?” woobin asks teasingly, hand gently scratching the maknae’s nape, “is it someone you know from school? ooh...is it someone from another idol group?”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee scoffs.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“that’s impossible, hyung, seongmin always runs away whenever we’re around other idols, he’s like an introvert x squared. i introduced him to dohyonnie once and seongmin squeaked and hid behind hyeongjunnie the whole time.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>seongmin mumbles out an annoyed whine and reaches his hand out to limply punch his hyung in the arm, missing him by a whole inch.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“stop teasing the baby,” woobin chides, stopping his head scratches so seongmin could answer their question, “is it someone we both know, seongminnie?”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“...yes.”</p><p> </p><p>minhee’s eyes widen.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“oh my god, you have a crush on someone in our group.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>seongmin’s hand successfully darts out of his wrap to silence his elder, almost falling out of woobin’s embrace in the process.<br/><br/></p><p><br/>“oh my god mini hyung do you have to be so <em>loud</em>.”<br/><br/></p><p>“sorry, sorry,” minhee mutters, obviously flustered. the fact that seongmin had a crush on a <em>boy</em>, much less someone in their <em>own </em>group, was...a startling revelation. was <em>everyone</em> coming out today?<br/><br/><br/></p><p>woobin hums and resumes petting the bunny-like boy.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“you don’t have to tell us if you’re uncomfortable, minnie,” woobin assures the boy, minhee nodding adamantly beside him, despite wanting to know as well. immediately minhee starts analyzing the members that came to mind.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>could it be wonjin? he was always especially irritating and affectionate towards seongmin, though that could be due to him just liking to bully cute things….maybe serim? nah, too much of a hag…probably not woobin, though he generally would be a good choice, a nice balance between normal parenting figure and serial crackhead….<br/><br/><br/><br/>whoever it was though, it <em>definitely </em>wasn't jungmo…<br/><br/><br/></p><p>hyeongjun briefly crosses his mind at one point but minhee squashes that thought immediately. even if seongmin had a crush on hyeongjun, seongmin wasn’t exactly hyeongjun’s type…<br/><br/><br/></p><p>
  <em>hm? since when did i know what hyeongjun’s type was?<br/><br/><br/></em>
</p><p>“it’s…” seongmin bites his lip before silently burrowing back into his little blanket, mumbling something that the other two boys couldn’t hear.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“baby you need to speak up, we can’t hear you.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“....it’s leoni hyung….”<br/><br/></p><p><br/>“ah, that’s expected/i’m sorry <em>what</em>.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee blinks once. then twice. pinches his arm just to check if he was dreaming. because he cannot <em>possibly </em>believe….of all people...of <em>all </em>people….it was <em>allen</em>???<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee loved allen, there was no doubt about that. minhee loved allen like he was that weird, foreigner brother who you thought couldn’t speak the native language so you try communicating with them in their first language until they reply back to you in perfectly structured korean and then you realize that you just spent the past twenty minutes trying to speak broken english to someone who could perfectly understand the native tongue the whole time but was just liked watching you suffer a confused tourist for the hell of it.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>(this totally didn’t happen by the way. nope. if you see this, no you didn’t.)<br/><br/><br/></p><p>wait, back to the story — what the hell did woobin mean when he said he <em>expected it?<br/><br/><br/></em></p><p>“oh don’t look at me like that, it was pretty obvious the whole time,” woobin rolls his eyes, hugging the maknae closer to his chest, “i’m sorry ddeongminnie, forgive your minhee hyung for being so oblivious.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>seongmin sniffs, “you don’t have to tell me that, minhee hyung answers love confessions with the elegance and tact of a preschool bully.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“that’s one way to put it,” woobin laughs.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“wow, i can’t believe i’m being ganged up by my own roommates,” minhee replies dryly, mildly offended but a little relieved that seongmin was in a better mood to be able to crack snarky quips like that, “but really, <em>allen</em>?”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>allen was — for the lack of better word — not exactly the affectionate type. while he never denied a member’s affections, he didn’t exactly initiate them either. minhee lived with the man for years and he could count on one hand how many times allen hugged him and it was only during his occasional anxiety induced breakdowns.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>(though that could be due to the fact that his usual go to for physical affection was either wonjin, woobin or hyeongjun, and he rarely went to allen for anything else besides general advice. but <em>still</em>.)<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee knew seongmin, and even though seongmin didn’t go around hugging everyone and showering them in affection like jungmo, wonjin and serim did, the kid still liked his affection, even if it was in smaller doses. however, if minhee could guess allen’s favorite out of all the members, seongmin was definitely the top candidate….<br/><br/><br/></p><p>suddenly, seongmin mentioning how allen was his favorite hyung made so much sense....<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee feels a hand bat at him violently.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“oh my god hyung. stop overanalyzing, i know what you’re doing. i like allen hyung because he’s actually a really soft and hardworking person once you get past the initial awkwardness, he looks out for me a lot, and he’s cute. you don’t <em>need</em> a thousand and one reasons to justify why you like someone. if you like them, you like them, it’s as simple as that<em>.</em>”<br/><br/><br/></p><p><em>you don’t need a thousand and one reasons to justify why you like someone, if you like them, you like them, it’s as simple as that, </em>rings in minhee’s head like a church bell, and all of a sudden, it <em>clicks</em>.<br/><br/><br/><br/><em>oh my fucking god</em>.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“you left out the part where you feel butterflies whenever you hold his hand, but okay,” woobin points out, and instantly ducks when seongmin <em>screeches </em>at him to <em>shut up shut up hyung oh my god you’re so embarrassing</em>.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“what’s stopping you from confessing then?” minhee blurts out, quickly putting a stop to seongmin’s attack, and instantly the smaller boy falls limply against woobin’s chest, groaning aloud.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“please, i don’t even know if he <em>likes</em> guys. have you <em>seen </em>his predebut pictures back in jyp? he gave off such fuckboy vibes back then it’s almost depressing,” seongmin whimpers into his knees at the memory.<br/><br/></p><p><br/>both woobin and minhee grimace. they <em>did</em> in fact have the misfortune of stumbling onto allen’s old pictures that cropped up on twitter (thanks to luvity). and while they did have a good laugh out of them, seongmin’s interpretation of <em>those </em>predebut allen pictures were frighteningly spot on.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>quote on quote, those cursed predebut pictures were, quite frankly, “the most heterosexual set of pictures minhee had ever seen in his 18 years of living”.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>woobin coughs into his hand, breaking the awkward silence.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“....incriminating pictures aside, i think this is something you should probably confront allen hyung at some point of your life,” woobin gently explains, “even if he doesn’t like boys, he loves you more than you like to believe to ever be disgusted by your romantic preferences.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>seongmin sniffs loudly, new tears welling up in his eyes that minhee hurriedly leans forward to brush away.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“but what if….what if he rejects me?” seongmin whimpers shakily, pitch going an octave higher than normal, “i-i can’t….i like him a lot, hyung….it….it hurts a l-lot, just t-thinking about it….i don’t w-want him to <em>hate</em> me….”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“he <em>won’t</em>,” woobin reassures fiercely, squeezing the small, shaking boy in his arms protectively, minhee nodding angrily beside him, clutching his dongsaeng’s hand in his for support, “i promise you minnie. allen hyung will never, <em>ever </em>hate you for something as harmless as your sexual orientation. you’re sweet, smart, cute, and anyone would be lucky to even <em>breathe </em>the same air as you. you’re so, so precious to us, you know? our lovely, adorable maknae. bestest boy in the world. allen hyung would be a <em>fool</em> to reject someone like you.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>seongmin chokes through his sobs, “you’re so cheesy, hyung.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“i’m offended, that title should be reserved for jungmo hyung and jungmo hyung only.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“oh god, don’t invoke his name, he’ll barge through the door asking for cuddles soon,” minhee groans.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>the three of them pause and wait for a whole minute to pass, only to hear the sound of wonjin slamming the controller down and calling foul at taeyoung for cheating and hyeongjun cackling at the both of them. the ice-cream roommates all collectively let out a sigh of relief at the lack of jungmo-like footsteps approaching their room. it was a small mercy that there were currently no overzealous jungmos knocking down their door in the middle of the night on his never ending quest for hugs and cuddles and whining like a needy puppy when he wasn’t getting them.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>(for today, anyway.)<br/><br/><br/></p><p>seongmin sniffs again, but with a little more composure this time, straightening up stiffly from his position in woobin’s lap.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“i won’t talk to hyung about it yet. he’ll reject me either way because of my age,” seongmin points out with some bitterness to his tone, “i’ll just….drop some hints for now.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee tilts his head.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“hints?”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“like um….bring up lgbtq topics in light conversation. crack some gay jokes. talk about bl manhwa. just to see his reaction, y’know?” seongmin lists off.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>woobin sighs in exasperation, “seongmin-ah, that hyung isn’t going to judge you for —”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“i know,” seongmin says firmly, “i just….want to know if i even have a chance at all. if it turns out hyung is straighter than an uncooked noodle, i’m just going to give up. no way am i falling for a <em>straight</em> man. ergh. that’s like something out of a bad teen queerbait novel.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>woobin shakes his head, a fond smile crossing his previously worried features.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“you’ve been spending too much time with minhee.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“rude. my presence is a blessing.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“more like a curse,” seongmin drawls out bluntly, “i swear if you don’t learn anything about yourself from what we talked about tonight i’m force feeding you mint chocolate ice-cream.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee’s jaw drops.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“you <em>wouldn’t</em>.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“<em>bet</em>.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“oookay children, no fighting! no bloodshed is tolerated in this household past midnight! otherwise, feel free. that aside, seongminnie has a point though,” woobin places his arm strategically between the two glaring teens, preventing them from jumping each other’s throats, “mini-ah, did you….realize anything about yourself from what we discussed earlier?”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee purses his lips, a little peeved by how the spotlight was suddenly back on him again, but nods.<br/><br/></p><p><br/>“yeah, i did.”<br/><br/></p><p><br/>woobin’s shoulders sag slightly. seongmin scoffs, muttering a tiny “<em>finally</em>”, earning him a chiding flick on his forehead from the boy holding him.<br/><br/></p><p><br/>“i….don’t really know if i’m still straight anymore. i also don’t know if i’m gay either….it’ll probably take some time for me to decide. but i just know i….”<br/><br/></p><p>minhee swallows thickly.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“....i just….really like hyeongjun. like. a lot. i like him more than just friends.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>seongmin stares quietly in awe at minhee, mildly impressed by his hyung’s admittance. he crooks his head to look up at woobin, who’s gracing minhee with a similar, fonder expression. the older boy places his hand on minhee’s knee, squeezing it to show how proud he was of minhee for finally accepting the fact that he liked hyeongjun.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“that’s wonderful, minhee. are you going to tell him?”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“eh? no. of course not.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>seongmin almost fucking falls off woobin’s lap.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>
  <em>what the fuck did minhee mean by NO?<br/><br/><br/></em>
</p><p>“seongmin gave a pretty good suggestion just now, you know,” minhee hums, hand under his chin and assuming a thinking position. meanwhile, said boy squeaks and points to himself, his <em>what did i even say? </em>goes ignored.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“you mean….dropping hints….”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“mmm, yeah, but i know how we can take it a step further.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p><em>um….what did you mean by</em> we? seongmin and woobin collectively ponder at the same time, already dreading the answer that was going to come.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee turns to them, his eyes alight with determination, and something tells woobin he is absolutely <em>not </em>going to like whatever minhee is plotting.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“miniyah....what exactly are you planning?”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee’s smile widens.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“i’m <em>really </em>glad you asked, hyung.”<br/><br/><br/></p><p>minhee stands up, a proud smile on his face, hands on his hips like he’s just discovered a new periodic element. seongmin decides to feel faint at that very moment. nothing good <em>ever </em>comes out from that wretched, horrible smile. <em>nothing</em>.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>“the solution is simple really. i’m going to make hyeongjun jealous.”<br/><br/><br/><br/></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hi this was supposed to be like 3 chapters long but i might???? just add one more chapter???? idk???? anyways i hope you guys enjoy this this took me forever to write hagdjabhjd also i’m sorry for emo minhee i love him but he needs to sort his shit out.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this was supposed to be a quick drabble but sjdhkdajsk oblivious minhee is my favorite minhee and it’s so fun to write stuff in his perspective so asjdakshd.</p><p>don’t let this flop hehe.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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